Monday, December 1, 2008

Will someone please think of the children!

Jacob Da Jew posted our kids' Parshat Quiz a week ago.  I found something even better.

A couple weeks ago, Mike In Midwood, was by my house for shabbat.  One of the things we talked about was yeshivas, as in where should I send my son.  I mentioned that I went to Chaim Berlin and that it had pretty good education.  All of our teachers, except for dee dee dee computer teacher who was probably someone's relative and knew as much about computers as the secretary, were public school teachers and knew their material.  Granted, it was 15 years ago and I was in grades 9-12, but I just couldn't believe Mike's claim that now it's much, much worse.  Until, that is, I found this gem in my shul.  The "rabbi" is rebbe M.J.  The whole thing is handwritten, apparently he doesn't know how to use a computer either.  I think his Ds look like Gs, or he's even worse than he appears...Also, it took wife and me a lot of rereading to decypher the horrible "penmanship".  BTW, those are not paragraphs, they're pages.

Dear Very Very special [choshev] parents [?].
Boroch Hashem An outher Wonderfull Happy SuGsesfull Week went true Every Tzadik is so Happy a Hall day in class in yeshiva What That is the Most inportent They Should Be Happy and The Happyness Will Bring [?] Good Rezults.

Now a little up date why your Tzadik is so exsiteit To Go To yeshiva To learn Torah! #1 When They Come in The Morning He is not skerd To Come There is no Prashair Rebbe is not Standing By the door with a SourFace Why DiD you Come So Late ITS All Ready "9:01" Next Time Waik up earlyair and Come Airleair!! U - Understand!!  The Wold in chinuch Has To No That its Never To Late!!!!!

We Even Have Time To Give Them To eat BeFor Davining And Learning Brakfast is Being Served Every Morning Bread Juice milk Hot CoCo Some Times WHen THere is "PainCakes" THe Last Few Days I Addit SomeTHink New its Corn Flakes - Y NoT!  THen WE STart Learning THe HayLiGe ToraH THe HayKiGe Alef Bais LeTTers THe FounDayTion OF THere LIFE!!!  WE Do IT Many Ways ON THe Big [next page] ALEF BAis CHart ON THe Bord - We Do it in THe  Alef Bais SayFers THe MAin THink is ITs Don WiTH Lov, MAke THeM LoV THe ToraH THaTs OUR JoB!!!!
LETs Be THem [mekarev] Kiruv Now!!!
ITs [some hebrew capital letters] Talking ABout [same hebrew script letters] I Can Right A Couple of SForim!!
And IF I Want To RiGHT IT ON PAper THe Copy MeSHin WiLL Have To Run FoR ourS!!!!! WHat I Have To Say!!

We Are NoW in Full Swing OF PracTeasing THe ALeF Bais LeTTERS THe Sonds OF EACH [nekuda] We ARe PuTTing ToGeTHer LeTTers WiTH N'KUDoS [ZU TZA A].........
We Do IT BoTH Ways THe puzzel Way And THe TaTe Way [my fingers hurt capitalizing the letters he capitalized so from here on all letters will be small] witch ever ever way he does it now is fine just watch him and lisin good how he pernonce's everything.

But I have great "Miricle" news to tell you l'kovod shabbos mvorchim chodesh kislev that a lot of tzadikim from the class are reading all ready like a tate b.h.!!!
I am not rushing at this time qw just have to cuntinyou practeasing and practeasing and practeasing like my Rebbe used to say practice makes perfect!!!!!!

yiras shomayim up date

yes there isint a day rebbe shouldint skrim say where is the yiras shumayim? And all [choshuv] parents should tell their that at home and all over where we go we most have yiras shumayim and no that hashem is all over in the winter in the summer ALL OVER!!
I will have to cut a little short on the news letter

The tzadikim want to make now oneg shabes "shabes party" they are all skriming "Pop Corn Pop Corn PopCorn...
I would like to take this uppertonity to wish all [choshuv] parents and family you should all have [hebrew here]

[on next page picture with following label]  Cloud in top of Suru's House

questions and answers of this week's parsha
1. whats the name of this week's parsha = [chaya sora]
2. how many years did [sara] live  = 127 years
3. how many [nisim] did hashem make in [sara's] house = 3
4. when [sara] used to light the candels for shabos. how long did it burn = from one shabos until the next one
5. when she used to bake the [chalos] for shabos what happend with the small peace ov doe = it got very big
(I didn't skip 6, it's not there)
7. what was in top ov [sara's] house = a cloud
8. what happend when [sara] closed her eys = the clouds when away, the candels burned out, the.
9. where did they put [sara] after she died = in the [meores hamachpeyla]
10. from whom did they buy [meores  hamachpeyla] = from mr [ephron]
11. how much (gelt) money did the [meores  hamachpeyla] coast = $400 silver dalers
12. what was the name of [avraham avinu's] helper = [eliezer]
13. what did [avraham avinu] tell for [eliezer] to look for yitzchok = [a kallah]
14. who gave the water to drink for the camel's = [rivka]
15. what did [eliezer] give for [rivka] for giveing the water = prezents
16. who was the [chosson] = [yitzhak]
17. who was the [kallah] = [rivka]
18. how young was. [rivka] when she got a [kallah] = 3 years young
19. what was the name ov [rivka's] father = [besuel]
20. was he a very good man = (no answer here)
21. did he want [rivka] shoud get mayrid to yitzchok = ov korse - not
22. what did he put into the plait = [?] poisent
23. what did the [malach] do to the plait = he chainged it around the end was [besuel] ate the poisent
(nothing skipped and pages stapled together, go figure)
85. how do you say a [bunch of hebrew words]
86. this belongs reely for [shevuos] time lets just try if your [tzadikim] know it.  please tell me
how do you say the sound of a [tzadik, shin, nun, etc]
what did hashem do with the [hey]
the rest the coming week [hebrew]

songs' of the week

yitzchok ovinu was the [choson] rivku emayn was the [kallah]
o-it was a nice [chaseneh]
o-it was a big [chasaneh]

And now my fingers hurt and I have a headache.  Barf.


  1. My mother said he's a pre-1A Hebrew teacher. However, when I said [sara's] he wrote a samech at the end and same for others. Using Hebrew letters to write English grammar.

  2. OMG! At first I laughed, then I wasn't really shur how to reakt...From all the things that come to mind I think the most benign are "Poor parents who have to read this every week" and "It's just wrong" .

  3. oh dear gd!

    there are no words to describe what I'm feeling

  4. Nausea? Don't worry, it'll pass...eventually...

    I laughed, I cried, I threw up a couple times. And that's how I ended up in the institution for the criminally insane.

  5. Dude. Hilarious.

    What all you critical people fail to get is that spelling correctly takes the personality out of the words and makes them dry. When you misspell something, and spell it as you speak, it gives personality.

    Leaving aside the fact that he didn't learn how to spell very well, and leaving aside the bad message it sends to the kids about spelling etc.

    Can't you just hear the Chassidish Rebbe voice after reading that?

  6. Dude, it was #$%@# hand written!!! I got a headache reading that shit. And it's not just the spelling, there's punctuation, grammar's horrible and half the stuff isn't even spelled the way it sounds.

  7. Torah. Toyreh. Toraa.
    because. becauz. bekawz.

    The point is that everyone sounds different. Standardized spelling removes the uniqueness of the words.

  8. Carlos Mencia thinks that if you're dee dee dee, you end up flipping burgers your whole life. Well, we know better, if you're dee dee dee, you end up teaching kids in a yeshiva.

  9. childish- so what does it say about you if you spell well?

    you have no creativity and are therefore NOT unique?


    the purpose of language and grammer rules is to communicate. Taking to much of a leeway with stuff like that, and you get the above letter.


  10. Parents, your exercise for today is...Creative Reading!

  11. hahahhaa

    rolling on the floor from laughter!!

    Imagine the parent study groups that will result from this. hahahaha

  12. I gotta scan this shit in and post. Then you'll really know the face of evil.

  13. If you spell well it means you are conforming in order to get dry point across, at the expense of getting the feeling and the voice across. This is why poets have poetic license, and ofter spell things to fit the poem...

    Spelling is overrated. Next you'll be complaining that the Rebbe didn't use MLA style formatting, with an annotated bibliography.

  14. this guy didnt write the letter for fun, he wrote it to get his POINT ACROSS.

    you want a book filled with creative mispelling...I recommend Flowers for Algernon!

  15. "However, when I said [sara's] he wrote a samech at the end and same for others. Using Hebrew letters to write English grammar."

    moshe, give the guy a break. he's not using "hebrew letters to write english grammar," rather he is writing her name in yiddish. putting a ס to indicate possession at the end of noun denoting a human being is idiomatically acceptable in yiddish.

    nu, so where are you going to send you're kid?

  16. it's a good reason to leave brooklyn, although one good thing about brooklyn schools (with one or two exceptions) is that tuition is a joke.

  17. Wow....I stopped reading after the first few lines. Un-fucking-believable.

    And yeah, this is way worse than my daughter's parsha quiz (thanks for da link).

  18. Moshe - Why don't you show spread this letter to everyone. Not just bloggers. Be loud. Complain to the school and if you are applying to a different school, insist on seeing teacher's writting. Even if one percent of people will get loud, things will change. If no one speaks out, things will stay the same.

  19. Scans up, enjoy.

    mlevin, considering this guy's been there for years, doubt if it's gonna help. He's probably someone's relative too.

  20. Absolutely first I felt like laughing then like Actually at the middle school the secretary is probably the best with computers...that's not to say the rebbeim don't know how to use them (except for one who apparently needs to be brought into the 21st century) but she's the only one who can get the photocopier to work when it;s no longer cooperating.

  21. First of all oysh!

    second I've seen people use the 'Samach instead of 's for Hebrew words. I always found it strange, but I thought they were doing the right thing cause really it's a Hebrew word, but I've always used the 's.

    "Parents, your exercise for today is...Creative Reading!"


  22. Lol! Babysitter, what exactly is "Creative Reading"? Reading upside down?

  23. Frum Punk: lol, I'd love to take credit for that line, but it's not mine, I was quoting Moshe from above.

  24. I really want to cry :(

    There really is nothing to say to this... :/