Welcome to my meat factory

Everyone knows that hot dogs are only partially cooked and that you have to finish cooking them yourself. What most people don't know is the same is true for salami. I would go so far as to say that sticks of salami sold in stores are disgusting if you didn't properly "cook" them.

When you buy a salami, it has a string attached at one end, it's there for a reason. After you buy a salami, you first need to take off the outer plastic casing and wash and dry the salami. Next, find a place to hang it. The temperature doesn't really matter, the only important thing to remember is that no part of the salami should be touching anything.

The minimum aging time is three weeks. There is no maximum, I had salami hanging as long as two and a half months. I prefer to age the salami for five weeks. I have a meat slicer for cutting the salami, if you don't have one, don't hang it longer than three weeks. Even after only three weeks, taking the inner casing off can be a problem. It comes off perfectly on Aaron's pepperoni, but with Aaron's regular salami, it's a nightmare. The best way to get the inner casing off is with boiling water. Boiling water has to be poured over the whole length and circumference of the salami. Immediately after, cut off one end and start peeling. I like to use a napkin to get a better hold and instead of peeling the casing off in one winding strip, try to slide the whole thing off like a sheath.

What you see in the picture is five Aaron's beef salami, one Glatt Mart garlic salami, one Glatt Mart hot Italian salami and one Glatt Mart Polish style salami hanging enticingly on two light fixtures. Glatt mart has a sale now, everything except buffalo, $4.99/lb.

Pururin

After watching Welcome to the NHK (NHK ni Youkoso!) I was looking all over for a Pururin ringtone. I was able to find a very low volume midi version. After using that for a few months and hearing caramelldansen, I decided it was time to switch ringtones. I found the ringtone on Myxer, downloaded it, installed, then decided to checkout Myxer itself. While I was downloading caramelldansen, I noticed an option to create your own ringtones. I created an "Artist" account. Uploaded the song and created the ringtone that I couldn't find. If you're reading this because you were looking for that ringtone too, enjoy.

Nostalgia

I never had much interest in going back to Russia. One of my friends went there for a visit and was incredulous that even though I was born there, I wasn't interested in returning to my "roots." I don't think it's so strange. Two thirds of my life has been spent in America. The only relatives I have is my uncle who lost his green card because of his stupidity, he was going back and forth all the time and missed an appointment, and my sister who's coming here soon anyway. There's my best friend, but it's one person and I pretty much lost contact with him at that time.

Recently, things have changed. One of my classmates from Sinai Academy invited me to odnoklassniki. Within two days I had forty friends. I found people from shul, classmates from Sinai that weren't on Facebook, my sister's family and, most importantly, my best friend. I also found half of my kindergarten and a few of my classmates. It was a blast getting in touch, after nineteen years, and finding out who's doing what, who got married, who has kids. Unfortunately, neither my parents nor my classmates have a photo of our class. After going through four schools I barely remember anything and would love to have a visual aid. Most people remember me and so do some of their parents. One girl remembers standing next to me during the initiation into Young Pioneers. I wish I had such memory.

Where am I going with all of this? Now, I'm actually interested in going for a visit. At the moment, this interest is purely theoretical because of the difficulty of actually making the trip. Where do we stay? Where do we get kosher food? Would I want to bring my son? Though the likelihood of me actually going for a visit is pretty low, now I'm genuinely interested in going. For now, there's always email and my webcam.

Chernobyl Chicken

There was an episode on Married With Children where Peggy buys a three legged chicken from Chernobyl. Well, Mrs. Bundy, my chicken can beat your chicken.

I went to Glatt Mart last week and imagine my surprise when I saw one of their sale items, "Chicken With Four Legs." The first thing that came to mind was that Married With Children episode. Maybe it's all the hormones. Maybe the owner of the farm has been playing too much S.T.A.L.K.E.R. and got some ideas. All I can say is that was one freaky sign.

Siyum

Tonight we're going to have a siyum on Kesubos. A small affair for fifteen to twenty people in our shul and catered by Benny's restaurant. I believe this is already the fifteenth siyum we're making. Amazing how time flies.

I was in two yeshivas, Sinai and Chaim Berlin. Don't really remember if we learned gemmorah in Sinai or not. In Chaim Berlin, we did, and it was boring me to death. The whole time I was there I was in a bal teshuva class. Since we were considered beyond help or hope, we basically stayed on the same page the whole year and that's not what I consider fun or a good use of my time. Another problem I had with learning was that the class was focused on memorizing the gemorrah in Aramaic instead of moving ahead. In my opinion, this servers no point. Aramaic is not loshon hakodesh. Yes, the translations don't bring across the full meaning, still I found that aspect of learning to be a big turnoff. The only thing those three years did was to turn me away from learning. Three hours per day, five days a week, for three years, same thing every day, fun.

After the last siyum hashas, my friend decided to start teaching daf yomi in shul. I decided to give it a try. It was the complete opposite of what I did in yeshiva and so were my feelings towards it. Nobody was bitching at me for using the English translation, every day was something new, no boring memorizations, no bored Rabbi speaking in a monotonous voice and putting everyone to sleep. Some gemmorahs are easier, some harder, some more fun, some less, but there's always something new, something to look forward to tomorrow. My favorite aspect of daf yomi is getting familiar with everything. I believe that this more important and should come before learning a particular gemorrah in detail. In every gemorrah there's references to other gemorrahs. Yes, you can look up that page, but doesn't compare to actually knowing what that whole gemorrah is about. For me, daf yomi is the way to go. A siyum every couple of months and a siyum hashas after seven and a half years gives a much greater sense of accomplishment than one perek per year.

Bond - Duel

2 + 2 = 1

One of my friends was, to put it mildly, quiet upset today. He received a cell phone bill for, drum roll please, $400. I knew that he recently switched carriers and got a new phone and thought that the high number was due to him buying the phone from the carrier and the carrier charging him for this month and next month, not an uncommon practice. Turns out it's his second month. Also turns out he likes to talk, a lot. He's got a 400 minute plan, subtract weekends, that's an average of 20 minutes per day. However, he's been spending an hour to an hour and a half per day! With that kind of usage, you can burn through your minutes in less than a week. What happens with the other 3 weeks? Thirty five cents per minute, at least 60 minutes per day for 15 days plus the $30 plan cost plus taxes, fees, charges, yep, that's $400.

Here's a lesson to all of you, it's 400 minutes per month, not 400 minutes per day. Take a calculator, divide your total minutes by 20, that's your daily allowance. And having rollover minutes only helps if you have minutes to roll over.