Vaad HaTznius - Washing

From Harry's Black Hole email.

The following statement has just been released by the Vaad Ha Tznius:

The Vaad Ha Tznius has just issued the following guidelines regarding laundry. It has come to our attention that many families, including those who pride themselves on following all aspects of halacha, are regularly not conforming to proper Tznius guidelines. Unbelievably, many, many families are washing men's and women's clothing together at the same time in the same washing machine. This is an unprecedented breach of Tznius!!! How could anyone think that one is allowed to wash men's and women's undergarments at the same time in the same washing load?!!! What has our nation come to when people have fallen to such a low level? For shame!!! This practice must stop!!! Given this we are issuing the following guidelines regarding the doing of laundry.

1. Ideally each observant home should have two washing machines and two dryers - one washing machine and one dryer should be used exclusively for men's clothing and the other washing machine and dryer should be used exclusively for women's clothing.

2. In the event that a family cannot afford to have two washing machines and two dryers, the following rules should be adhered to. ... See More
a. Under no circumstances should men's clothes be in the same machine as women's clothing. They should, of course, also be dried separately.
b. After doing a load of men's clothing, one should run the washing machine through a complete cycle without any clothes in it. Then one may wash women's clothing in this machine. The same procedure should, of course, be followed after washing a load of women's clothing, namely, run a complete cycle without any clothes in the machine. Then one may wash men's clothing in the machine.
c. After drying a load of men's clothing the dryer should be allowed to cool off completely. After this, one may use the dryer for drying women's clothes. The same applies after drying a load of women's clothing before using the dryer for men's clothing. It is not enough to let the dryer cool below Yad So Ledas Bo. The dryer must be completely cooled off.

Our forefathers lived in a land that was between two rivers - the Tigris and the Euphrates. The reason is obvious to anyone who thinks into it a bit. One river was used to wash women's clothing and the other to wash men's clothing. Surely we can continue this tradition by observing the rules stated above. We are confident that everyone who takes Yahadus seriously will abide by the guidelines stated above.
With Torah greetings,
The Vaad Ha Tznius

Частушки

Рыбка плавает в томате,
Ей в томате хорошо,
Только я, едрена матерь,
Места в жизни не нашел.
Fish in thick tomato sauce
Swims in happy comatose,
Only me, pathetic wimp,
Have no fucking place to swim.

По реке плывет топор из села Чугуева,
Ну и пусть себе плывет железяка ...
Down the river drifts an axe from the town of Byron,
Let it float by itself- fucking piece of iron!!!

Я лежала с Коленькой совершенно голенькой,
Потому что для красы я сняла с себя трусы.
I was sleeping with my honey absolutely naked;
I have taken off my panties just to make a statement.

С неба звездочка упала
Прямо милому в штаны,
Пусть горит там, что попало,
Лишь бы не было войны.
Starlet's fallen from the heavens right into my boyfriend's briefs,
I don't mind his roasted penis if it helps us live in peace.

Posting Thanksgiving RSVP in Frontierville

Open FrontierVille in one tab.
After FrontierVille loads, open Application Privacy in another tab. Open FrontierVille's settings and delete "post to wall".
Go back to FrontierVille tab.

Click Post Dinner Invite.

Click Yes and then Allow.

Go back to Privacy Settings tab and again delete "post to wall".

You may now manually post the invites.
You may have to do this each time you play.

TSA: making sure you're not lonely this holiday season

ColdFusion 9: ByteArray error

If you've upgraded to ColdFusion 9 with MySQL, be prepared to get a "ByteArray objects cannot be converted to strings." error. This error occurs because the JDBC driver for MySQL included with the ColdFusion 9 install converts TinyInt values to a Byte Array if they're used in a function or a CASE WHEN. You will not get this error if you're simply including a TinyInt column in a SELECT statement, but you will get it if you're using it inside a function or a CASE WHEN.

One solution is to encapsulate your function in a CONVERT([function] USING latin1), but you will have to do it in every query where this condition occurs.

Another solution is to revert to an earlier driver. ColdFusion 9 install includes mysql-connector-java-commercial-5.1.7-bin.jar. You can try downloading the latest driver from here, however, version 5.1.13 still had this bug. If you're still having a problem after downloading the newest driver, revert to the version which was included with ColdFusion 8, mysql-connector-java-commercial-5.0.5-bin.jar.

Kosher Porn

Wrote the following in a thread on hashkafah.com. Apparently someone had a problem with the post, yet didn't mind reading the thread so am reposting it here.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody on imamother and should not be taken seriously. ;-)

His arms, muscles bulging from doing hagba, held her tight to his body. She could feel the imprints left by his tefillin straps sensually caressing her skin. His hands touched and explored her body as if he was holding a gemorah. He was kneading her sufganyot like challah dough, his fingers circling the raisins. Her body tensed in anticipation as his hands roamed towards her lower mouth while his lips kissed her as if she was a mezuzah. As his lips brushed the lips of her upper mouth, his hand drew a magen david around the contours of her lower lips. She almost screamed when his thumb brushed over her nerit. As she felt the the hardness of his havdalah brush against her thigh, she knew that her wait will be over soon. Just as she had anticipated, he rose over her, his body like a chuppa, held up by the four poles of his arms and legs. He positioned his lulav at the entrance of her shofar and, at first slowly, slid forward into her. His pace increased as she played with his peyos, twirling them with her fingers. When he heard her chanting "talmidim hachamim" over and over, he slammed into her, his havdalah shooting its light into her body.

Was cracking up while writing it. Feel free to expand, ha ha, on this.

Friday's special guests

Last night, November 12, at 9:20pm, we had a knock at the door and a visit from the NYPD.  Apparently Vader called the cops because he had a problem with my kids playing in their room, on mats and before 11pm.  He told them that I made cracks in his ceiling and make noise at 2am.  I informed the officers that the noise is Nochum waking up and me walking to get him a bottle and that I couldn't care less if he has a problem with me walking.